"Oh How I Need You"

I am reminded almost daily of just how difficult life would be without God. Not to say that the hardness of life lessens at all when you follow Christ, it's actually closer to the opposite. But when you're going through life, it makes all the difference to know that your Lord and Savior is right there by your side. I am grateful that God is present. I am grateful that God has placed certain people in my life. I am grateful that God us unfailing. 

I am grateful that I need Him.

Inadequate.

Inadequate.
Lacking.
Insufficient.
This entire concept of not being good enough is one that I've been battling for the past few weeks.
Now don't get me wrong, I know I'm created in God's image. I know he doesn't love anyone else more than he loves me and vise versa. I know that I am "Fearfully and wonderfully made" {Psalm 139:14}. But yet here I am feeling extremely insufficient...

I keep comparing myself, my personality, my looks, my friendships, my ideas and my faith to everyone else's and quite frankly, I'm driving myself crazy. I'm having a hard time getting a grip on this brutal feeling... And even though I looked up all the bible verses about my self-worth and asked God to help me I feel like nothing is sticking. No words have been able to counter these feelings and liberate me from them. I know all the facts about who I am in Christ, but none of that is making me feel any better. I desperately long for affirmation from others, yet when I receive those encouraging words it does nothing to make me feel better. It's confusing...
I'm sorry this post is the farthest thing from encouraging, but I started this blog with the intent of being real and open about my faith-walk...so here it is.
This is it.
I'm feeling down.
I'm feeling like I'm inadequate.
I'm feeling like I don't measure up.
I'm feeling insufficient.
Lord help me.

Beauty in the Sink.

"I want to see beauty. In the ugly, in the sink, in the suffering, in the daily, in all the days before I die, the moments before I sleep."

~Ann Voskamp

Sometimes it's difficult to see beauty in our everyday lives. We get stuck in the same routine, doing the same mundane tasks, and we forget to take time to notice the beauty God gives us each day.
There's beauty in our daily interactions with others.
There's beauty in the scenery on our way to work our school.
There's beauty in the arguments, the stubbed toes, and the disappointments.
We often wonder how we can actively seek God in our everyday lives, and the answer is to seek out his beauty in every circumstance. This December, I challenge you to start seeing beauty in daily tasks. In the falling snow, the family time, the sleeping in, and even during finals week and when your car gets stuck in the snow at the end of your driveway.

Where have you seen beauty today?

The Hosea Love Story

Those of us who went to Sunday School, sat in church during the series about the Old Testament or took Bible classes have all heard the story of Hosea...at least on a surface level. We know that he married an unfaithful woman named Gomer, and that his relationship with her is supposed to be a representation of God's relationship with us. If you didn't know about Hosea, then I just gave you the entire premise of his story. For me, it's always been one of those stories where I think "Yeah, yeah yeah, we're unfaithful. I get it." But it wasn't until I saw this short video series entitled, The Hosea Love Story, that I actually realized what it all means. What it all represents.
"In this modern day telling of the book of Hosea, Hosea has entered into a covenant with Gomer just as God has entered into a covenant with His people. We have not merely broken God's law; we've broken God's heart. We have grieved him. But despite all our spiritual adultery, we cannot exhaust the love of God. We deserve to be shown No Mercy and called "Not My People" but because Jesus was shown no mercy and was forsaken by the Father, we can rest secure in God's love for us. There is nothing in us that can evoke the love of God, and there is nothing in us that can exhaust the love of God." 
I guess the entire time I heard Hosea's story, I just knew that we were unfaithful...it didn't even cross my mind that God's heart was broken. Please watch these short videos and let them change the way you viewed the story of Hosea and Gomer.

The Hosea Love Story Part 1: The Covenant Love of God (Hosea 1-2:1)

 

The Hosea Love Story Part 2: The Tough Love of God (Hosea 2:1-13)

 The Hosea Love Story Part 3: The Tender Love of God (Hosea 2:14-23)

The Hosea Love Story Part 4: The Redeeming Love of God (Hosea 3)

The Hosea Love Story Part 5: Our Response (Hosea 6)

The Hosea Love Story Part 6: The Relentless Love of God (Hosea 14)

How have you walked away from God in your life and broken his heart? 

When have you experienced God standing beside you while you were trying to run away from Him?

Will you allow him to forgive you once you've strayed? 

Will you accept his redeeming love?

One of the hardest parts about coming to God is accepting that His love covers all the brokenness we bring.

Why I Will Never Wear a Bikini Again...

In high-school I bought my first bikini. I remember begging and begging my mother to let me get one, and my mom FINALLY let me purchase my first bikini in the summer after my Junior year. Our agreement was that I would only wear it at my best friend Jynni's pool, but I didn't always follow that rule. By my Freshman year of college, I had built up my collection of bikinis, and wore them proudly at the beach with my friends. I'm young, thin, and pretty so of course I should be showing off my body, right?
Wrong. 
It wasn't until this past summer that I learned a couple things about bikinis that I would like to share. First, lets start with their origin. On July 5, 1946, the bikini was invented by Louis Réard, a French engineer who worked in his mother's lingerie shop. It was constructed out of a mere 30-inches of fabric, and was only considered a true bikini if it could be pulled through a wedding ring, and fit entirely into a matchbox. Four days prior to Réard's invention, the United States military had conducted nuclear tests at Bikini Atoll. Réard knew that the public's reaction would be as explosive as these tests, and therefore called his creation the "bikini." The public was horrified by this new swimsuit, and Parisian models refused to even wear such a thing. For this reason, Louis Réard hired a stripper to showcase his new design because no one else dared to wear it. Countries like Belguim, Italy, Spain, and Australia banned bikinis, and they were even declared sinful by the Vatican. Even Modern Girl magazine in 1957 wrote, "It is hardly necessary to waste words over the so-called bikini since it is inconceivable that any girl with tact and decency would ever wear such a thing." There were even guards on US beaches that would measure bathing suits, and those women who dared to show up in a bikini were likely to be kicked off of the beach.

Wow, a lot has changed since back then. If you go to the beach today, almost every female will be wearing a bikini. So what changed? How did we become so accepting of these bikinis that were described by one writer as "a two piece bathing suit that reveals everything about a girl, except for her mother's maiden name"?

In the 1960's things began to change. This time period is known for the sexual revolution, and women's movement. Along with these two changes, came the rising popularity of the bikini. Soon, nobody was afraid to wear one. Last year alone, annual spending on bikinis totaled over 8 billion dollars. EIGHT BILLION DOLLARS! This popularity gets attributed to the power of women, rather than the power of fashion. But what is this power we talk about? Women tend to see the act of wearing a bikini, as a way to say that we are powerful, independent, and strong. Many women see the bikini as an opportunity to be considered an equal, and to be seen as "in control." Whether these thoughts are conscious or subconscious, women all feel a sense of power when wearing a bikni. However, the power they're experiencing may not be the power they were looking for.

In 2009, male college students at Princeton University participated in a study of how the male brain reacts to seeing people in varying amounts of clothing. (Link here) When shown images of scantily clad women, the region of the brain associated with tools and the intention to form action lit up in the subject's brains. This is the same region of the brain that lit up when these same males were shown pictures of screwdrivers and hammers. Some of these men showed ZERO brain activity in the medial prefrontal cortex, which is the part of the brain that lights up when one is pondering another person's thoughts, feelings and intentions. Researchers were shocked by this, because they almost never see this part of the brain shut down in this way. It's as if they were reacting to these women, as they weren't even people, but objects. In a separate Princeton study, undergrads found that men tend to associate bikini-clad women with first person action verbs such as "I push," "I handle," and "I grab." However when shown images of fully clothed women, men tend to associate them with third-person action verbs such as "she pushes," and "she grabs." These clothed women were perceived to be in control of their own actions, whereas the women in bikinis were seen as objects to be used, not someone to connect with. 

So from what we see here, wearing a bikini DOES give a woman power. It gives her the power to shut down a man's ability to see her as a person. It gives her the power to be seen as an object, and it gives her the power to cause a man to stumble. It does NOT give a woman the power to be seen as an equal, and it does NOT give a woman the power to be seen as "in control" and as someone to be taken seriously. This power is more attainable when dressing modestly, yet we cringe at that very word.

This word just sounds so lame. Even the synonyms of "modesty" are "simpleness" and "plainness." Honestly, a lifestyle of modesty sounds like I need to start wearing frumpy clothing and asking my grandmother for fashion advice. After doing some research on modest clothing, I was surprised to realize that I can dress modestly without sacrificing fashion, EVEN when I'm buying swimsuits. I'm going to post a couple links to websites I love that offer modest clothing (even one with swimsuits!) but the truth of the matter is that you don't have to shop at special stores or websites in order to get modest clothing. Once you consciously make the decision to dress modestly, you can easily dress in a way that will earn you respect. This week I want to challenge you to take an honest look at your clothing choices and ask yourself some questions. What message are you sending with your clothing? What kind of power are you actually gaining? I don't want anyone to think that I'm going to judge them for dressing immodestly or for wearing a bikini, because quite frankly I'm not going to judge you at all. I just know that personally, I have decided to make an effort to live a modest lifestyle, and I hope to inspire some girls to do the same.
http://www.reyswimwear.com/
http://www.shabbyapple.com/
So what are your thoughts on modesty? I would love to read your comments!!

Eucharisto.

The Lord has really been teaching me a lot lately about being grateful. And not just grateful for the big things either, but for every little seemingly insignificant thing. I wrote a post back in June talking about this journey I'm on towards achieving this goal, and I wish I could say that I'm there....but I'm really not. I guess I didn't realize that it was so hard to remember to thank God for things. I mean truly, I owe Him everything. EVERYTHING. The air in my lungs, the clothes on my back, the food in my stomach, the ground that I walk on. None of it is my own, and yet I use it thoughtlessly as if it's rightly mine. Well it's not. . . . None of it is. It's all a gift. Even my ability to live and think and dream is a gift.

So if this is all true, then WHY is it so difficult for me to remember to be thankful?

The answer is quite simple really. It's because I'm self-centered. I'm just plain inconsiderate, and I'm starting to feel like the spoiled-rotten daughter of a rich CEO who doesn't think twice about all the amazing things her father gives her. And I know I'm not alone in this one either. When is the last time that you honestly thanked God for something that is usually overlooked by you or by others? If you make this thankfulness a daily practice, then I admire you, you are something that I'm aspiring to be. . . . but if not, and if you're just like me, then how do we get out of this mess? How do we become grateful? How do we remember that these lives are not our own?

I wish there was a simple solution. To be honest, I don't know how to fix this problem. I don't even have the slightest idea. But I know who does. His name is above all others, and He is the perfect example of gratefulness, even in the toughest of situations. His name is Jesus Christ. How amazing is it, that even on the final night before His crucifixion, He broke bread and gave thanks? The cross was before him and He knew He was going to die a painful death. . . .yet he STILL gave thanks. (1 Corinthians 11:24) It's incredible really. How amazing is it, that when 5,000 hungry people came to hear him preach, the Lord gave thanks and was able to provide more than enough food for everyone? (John 6:1-13) Amazing things happen when we give thanks!

"Eucharisto (thanksgiving) always precedes the miracle." -Ann Voskamp

So the big question here is "How?" I really don't know how. . . but I do know that I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength. Even though I know I'm going to keep failing at being thankful, I know that the Lord is my rock and my stronghold. Even when we fall short in the area of thanksgiving, He still loves us just the same. This week I challenge you to be more conscious of the things God has provided you. I challenge you to thank God for the little things and the medium things and the big things. I'll be doing this challenge right along-side of you. . . I can't promise that I'll do it perfectly, but I pray that God will help me all the way. 

Change.

As I'm sitting in my half-packed up room listening to music and trying to avoid getting out of bed, I'm thinking about all the change that will be happening for me this year. I'm really excited to get back to Bethel University and start my Junior Year, see all my friends and get back into the swing of things, but going back to Bethel means that my family is one step closer to possibly moving. For those of you who don't know, my dad was apart of the big Boise Paper layoff that happened recently in International Falls. He's currently searching for a job, which means he most likely won't won't work in Int'l Falls any longer . . . my parents will probably have to move. I'm living in the Mpls area so I'm not technically moving . . . but I still won't be able to call good ol' I Falls my home. No more International Falls winters (which may sound like a good thing to avoid but I'm truly going to miss them). No more Freeze-Your-Gizzard-Blizzard-Run. No more seeing all the ice houses on Rainy Lake once it's frozen over. No more jumping into the lake through a hole in the ice. No more "It's snowing in May!" No more driving "Hotlaps" with friends around town while catching up on all the latest gossip. No more City Beach in the summer. No more small town 4th of July parade. No more being able to watch the Canadian fireworks in the boat. No more Bass Tournament. No more "It's snowing before Halloween!" No more familiar streets. No more.

After high school I wanted SO badly to get out of this small town, but now that I know that my family won't live here much longer, part of me doesn't even want to go back to Bethel . . . part of me wants to stay here in my familiar room, in this familiar house, surrounded by a familiar neighborhood, in this familiar town filled with familiar faces. There's nothing wrong in wanting things to stay familiar . . . right?

"For I know the plans I have for you" declares the Lord. 

"plans to prosper you and not to harm you,

 plans to give you a hope for the future. 

Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, 

and I will listen to you. 

You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all of your heart.

{Jeremiah 29:11-13}

I have probably heard this verse about a million times. No lie. Between church services, Sunday School lessons, confirmation classes, Bible Camp, and graduation cards, this verse has crossed my path more times than I can even count. Regardless of how many times I've heard it though, it still hasn't lost any of its truth. God has a plan. Even though I'm really good at messing up and doing things wrong, and even though things surprise us and seem really bad at the time, God still has a plan. And not only does He have a plan, but he has my best interests at heart. I heard my mom talking to a friend about this whole moving situation just the other day, and she said "You know, this just means that God is done with us here. He wants to send us somewhere else now so he can use us there." That truly is the perfect perspective to have in this whole situation. While many families in town are seeing this layoff as a reason to be angry at God and blame him for what's going on, my parents are able to turn to God and say, "Okay God, what do you have for us next?"Their attitude is probably the main reason why I haven't spent too much time thinking about all that I will miss from this town....until now that is. BUT even though there's a lot I will miss, I'm so excited to hear about all the new things God will be doing through my parents in their new town (wherever that may be). With this new job, new town, new neighborhood, new house, new church, and additional friends my parents will be making, comes NEW OPPORTUNITY to reach out and accomplish work for Christ. That's so exciting! And it's for that reason, that I'm sad to be leaving International Falls, but I'm more just excited to see what God has around the corner. 

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, 

and are called according to His purpose.

{Romans 8:28}