Onward and Upward.

So I was looking back through a journal I kept last year while I was doing my "Year Off of Dating" and I stumbled across an entry that brought back a memory of intimacy with Christ. It's the only time that I have ever audibly heard God's voice. I have a lot more confidence in myself now than I did at the time I wrote this, so no judging.  This was during a period of self-doubt...I have grown so much more into loving the woman God has created me to be. I know now who I am in Christ, so my view of myself back then, no longer reflects how I view myself now. In this entry, I was writing directly to God and it went like this:

"Tuesday, 12-20-11

God, I feel so confused. For the first time in a loooong time I actually feel pretty when I look in the mirror. Instead of disliking what I see, I'm starting to actually like the way I look...It's unheard of, I know. That's not what confuses me though...the confusing part is that ever since I started to like the way I look, I feel less and less desirable. I don't know how this happened but it did. Boys don't want me and quite frankly, I don't understand. I feel pretty, so what's the problem? Does the problem lie deeper than my looks? Is it my personality that drives them away? Or my sense of humor? Or maybe it's my awkwardness...UGH...It's super frustrating...What's wrong with me?!"

After writing this I sat on my bed and cried in my own little pity party. I put my journal away and started to crawl under the covers of my bed when I heard an audible voice say

"Nothing."

I was instantly filled with peace and I knew that was God's voice talking to me. I scrambled to grab anything I could so I could write down exactly what he was saying...It ended up being the back of an envelope. But as I listened, this is what He said,

"Nothing.

There is nothing wrong with you at all.

Just be patient, 

The man I have planned for you is coming.

No boys now, means less heartache later."

In my head I responded with "But God...It's giving me heartache NOW." And he gently replied,

"Nothing like what I'm saving you from. Just wait here with me. I'll satisfy your need to be wanted and desired in ways nobody else can. No human can love you the way I do. Just wait. Stop dreaming of your earthly prince, and start having an intimate relationship with your Heavenly Prince."

Those words instantly changed my outlook. At that moment I became fully content in just waiting for my earthly prince, and having a full relationship with my Heavenly Prince. But just to clarify, when I say "Waiting for my earthly prince" I don't mean living like Sleeping Beauty or Rapunzel and putting my entire life on hold while I wait anxiously for my Prince Charming....No...I mean I'm putting that area of my life on hold, while I enjoy putting all that I am into a life with my Heavenly Prince. If anything, I'm living more now than I ever was before. My friend Lauren talked about this concept during one of our bible study groups on Tuesday night a couple weeks ago...So many times we think that "True Love Waits" means sitting around and just waiting with God as our comfort until that special man waltzes in. But that's not right! You can wait in the sense of sexual and emotional purity, but your entire life should not be at a standstill. A great Bible verse that I've been dwelling on lately is Philippians 3:12. It says,

"Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already arrived at my goal, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me."

Don't you see? We shouldn't just sit around...we need to press forward! Each day that God allows us to live is a blessing. Don't just waste it by sitting around, because you can never get that time back. Lets treat each day as a precious gift from God, and press forward into a closer relationship with Him.

World Changers.

How you live your life is a huge responsibility placed on each one of us. Lately, God has really been opening my eyes and showing me how important it is that I live my life in a way that is honoring to Him. I've heard it said before that the largest reason for Atheism in the world today is Christians. How sad is that? Christians have taken on the stigmas of being hypocrites, hateful, and even terrible tippers at restaurants, along with many other negative things. I mean seriously people? This is so disappointing.....We're called as Christians to be World Changers. If this is how non-christians view us, then we're really falling short of how God wants us to live. Don't get me wrong, I'm totally at fault for these stigmas too....I just really believe it's time for us to change.
A Hypocrite is someone who promotes virtues and religious beliefs or principles, but doesn't actually apply them to their lives. How many times have we as Christians pointed out the sins in another people's lives before looking at the sin in our own lives? It's our natural instinct to ignore our own faults and pick apart the faults of others. I definitely have had my own struggles with seeing others faults and ignoring my own, but Jesus tells us in Matthew 7:3-5,

“Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye."

We need to stop picking out everyone else's sins when we have a truckload of sins to account for ourselves. I mean seriously, "Christian" means to be a Christ follower. That means to be like Christ. So who was Jesus Christ while he was on earth? He was loving. He was accepting of everyone. He was forgiving. He was gracious. He was caring. He was patient. He was kind. He was humble and fair and generous. He was all of these things and so much more. It's our role as Christians to aspire to be these things.
Obviously we're only human so we will fail time and time again. But Philippians 4:13 says, "I can do all things through Him who gives me strength." With God on our side, we have no excuse for not being loving towards others. He can help us and give us the strength to shine His light on those around us. As Christians we should want to reflect Jesus in the best light possible, and quite frankly, we've been doing poorly at this, me included. 
I didn't mean for this to become a "Do this/Don't do that" rant...but I feel like it kind of turned into that. Don't view my little spiel as discouraging towards you because that's not my intention at all. My intention is to bring this topic to light and to encourage you as well as myself to focus on being salt and light to the world. Lets break these stigmas placed on Christianity...Lets be World Changers.

Giving Up Control.

Today my Astronomy class had a guest speaker by the name of John Roy Bohlen. He was an older gentleman around my grandpa's age, and when I walked into the classroom I was expecting a boring lecture from him. What I heard though, was quite the opposite. John Bohlen started off by telling us he was going to teach us about "The King's Greatest Secret." He asked us, "What did Jesus take to the cross for us?" We responded with the typical answers such as our sins, sicknesses, despairs, transgressions, etc. But he told us there was one more thing Jesus took with him....Jesus took ourselves. John told us that Jesus took our weak, pathetic, flawed selves and crucified all of us on the cross with him. And now since we are crucified with Him, He wants to live his life through us. I'm not sure if I explained that clearly, so just hear me out. Jesus lived the perfect life, so He didn't deserve to be crucified. Therefore, since He gave up his life for us, now it's our duty to allow Him to live through our own lives. Life isn't about trying to be the nicest, trying to do the right things or even about us trying to be like Christ. It's about giving ourselves completely to Christ and letting HIM live through US. Are you getting this? It's such a simple concept that's so life-changing.
My life isn't about me trying to live the way God wants me to. My life isn't about me trying to figure out God's plan. My life isn't about being a great Christian. But my life IS about stepping back and letting Jesus live through me. Once that happens, then all those other aspects will fall into place. What does it actually mean when we say Jesus "lives in us?" Have you ever really thought about that phrase? It doesn't mean that Jesus lives inside our hearts like a genie would live in a bottle....but rather, it means that Jesus lives through us. He desires for us to allow him to live through our lives. He purchased them with his own blood, so the least we can do is give him the reigning power.