Onward and Upward.

So I was looking back through a journal I kept last year while I was doing my "Year Off of Dating" and I stumbled across an entry that brought back a memory of intimacy with Christ. It's the only time that I have ever audibly heard God's voice. I have a lot more confidence in myself now than I did at the time I wrote this, so no judging.  This was during a period of self-doubt...I have grown so much more into loving the woman God has created me to be. I know now who I am in Christ, so my view of myself back then, no longer reflects how I view myself now. In this entry, I was writing directly to God and it went like this:

"Tuesday, 12-20-11

God, I feel so confused. For the first time in a loooong time I actually feel pretty when I look in the mirror. Instead of disliking what I see, I'm starting to actually like the way I look...It's unheard of, I know. That's not what confuses me though...the confusing part is that ever since I started to like the way I look, I feel less and less desirable. I don't know how this happened but it did. Boys don't want me and quite frankly, I don't understand. I feel pretty, so what's the problem? Does the problem lie deeper than my looks? Is it my personality that drives them away? Or my sense of humor? Or maybe it's my awkwardness...UGH...It's super frustrating...What's wrong with me?!"

After writing this I sat on my bed and cried in my own little pity party. I put my journal away and started to crawl under the covers of my bed when I heard an audible voice say

"Nothing."

I was instantly filled with peace and I knew that was God's voice talking to me. I scrambled to grab anything I could so I could write down exactly what he was saying...It ended up being the back of an envelope. But as I listened, this is what He said,

"Nothing.

There is nothing wrong with you at all.

Just be patient, 

The man I have planned for you is coming.

No boys now, means less heartache later."

In my head I responded with "But God...It's giving me heartache NOW." And he gently replied,

"Nothing like what I'm saving you from. Just wait here with me. I'll satisfy your need to be wanted and desired in ways nobody else can. No human can love you the way I do. Just wait. Stop dreaming of your earthly prince, and start having an intimate relationship with your Heavenly Prince."

Those words instantly changed my outlook. At that moment I became fully content in just waiting for my earthly prince, and having a full relationship with my Heavenly Prince. But just to clarify, when I say "Waiting for my earthly prince" I don't mean living like Sleeping Beauty or Rapunzel and putting my entire life on hold while I wait anxiously for my Prince Charming....No...I mean I'm putting that area of my life on hold, while I enjoy putting all that I am into a life with my Heavenly Prince. If anything, I'm living more now than I ever was before. My friend Lauren talked about this concept during one of our bible study groups on Tuesday night a couple weeks ago...So many times we think that "True Love Waits" means sitting around and just waiting with God as our comfort until that special man waltzes in. But that's not right! You can wait in the sense of sexual and emotional purity, but your entire life should not be at a standstill. A great Bible verse that I've been dwelling on lately is Philippians 3:12. It says,

"Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already arrived at my goal, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me."

Don't you see? We shouldn't just sit around...we need to press forward! Each day that God allows us to live is a blessing. Don't just waste it by sitting around, because you can never get that time back. Lets treat each day as a precious gift from God, and press forward into a closer relationship with Him.