Higher Standard.

I'm one of those people who always forgets that strangers can see into my car. Always. Whenever I'm driving by myself I eventually end up singing along to the music at the top of my lungs. I will sing and dance until I make awkward eye contact with someone in a car next to me. I have gotten caught picking things out of my teeth in the rear-view mirror, and yes, someone has even caught me picking my nose before (which is super embarrassing to admit. haha) You would think that I would remember that my windows are completely see-though and barely tinted, but for some reason I seem to forget again and again.
The other day I was driving back from Rochester and noticed someone staring at me as I was singing (and dancing) to a song by my favorite band of the moment, Bastille. After they gave me a weird look and I recovered from the embarrassment, I started thinking about how much this relates to our lives as Christians....how often do we forget that other people are paying attention to our actions? No, I'm not talking about whether or not you sing or dance in the car...I'm talking about all the times we fail to act as Jesus did. Granted, we are all humans and and are bound to fail time and time again...but as Christians, aren't we supposed to be called to a higher standard?

Tonight at Vespers we sang a song called "Everything" by Tim Hughes. In this song, it talks about God being at the center of EVERY aspect of our lives. The song asks God to be present in our breathing, sleeping, working, speaking, thinking, dreaming, waiting, weeping, and healing. It's pretty easy to sing a song about wanting God to be the center of everything we do....but why is it so hard to actually live that way? We so often forget that other people are watching us to see if Christianity is all that it is said to be. People expect us to live differently than everyone else, but sadly, I feel that most of the time these observers get let down.

The term "Christian" has become so watered-down in today's age. It has lost it's true meaning. Being labeled a "Christian" is supposed to mean that you are a "Christ Follower"......but in society today, being labeled a "Christian" just means you believe there is a God, or you go to church on Easter and Christmas. Now I don't want to make it seem like I'm condemning those of you who may do these things...that is not my intention at all. But to be a Christian means to have a relationship with Christ. It means to follow after Him. If you call yourself a Christian, people will look at your life to see how it is different. People ARE going to judge you by the way you act. Becoming a true, Christ-following Christian should change every aspect of your life! It should change your breathing, sleeping, working, speaking, thinking, dreaming, waiting, weeping and healing, because God should now be at the center. We Christians need to stop pretending that people can't see into almost every aspect of our lives. We are not one-way mirrors! Other people can see what we are doing just as easily as we can see how others live.

Now the big question here is How? How are we supposed to live differently? How are we supposed to put God at the center? The answer is found in Luke 10:27 when Jesus says, "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind." When you love someone, you want them to be a huge part of your life. You want them to be apart of everything you are. The same thing goes for our relationship with God. If you truly love him with all your heart, soul, strength and mind, then not only will He be the center of your life, but others will see that and God will be glorified through you.

We cannot forget that other people are watching what we do! This is something that I really need to work on (both in my driving, and in my life). I'm a work in progress. But I pray that every day the Lord will bring me one step closer to living a life that truly glorifies him through the way I live.

 

Confusion.

I'm having a dilemma. You see, I desire to have a heart that is 100% dedicated to the Lord. I'm nowhere close to being there, but that is what I'm striving for. BUT I also have a desire and a dream to be a wife and a mother someday. To be head-over-heels in love with a man. You may not see the dilemma here....but the problem is that I don't understand how a person can have both things. I've seen people have both...like when I look at my parents who absolutely adore each other, and are incredibly faithful in their walk with the Lord. Or when I look at my grandparents, or some of my friends' parents. I can see that they are able to love their spouse completely and be dedicated to the Lord...but it still confuses me.

For some reason, I have confused myself with the idea that romantic love is selfish love. That it isn't Christ-honoring or something. Now I know the facts...I know that a marriage is a representation of the relationship between Christ and the church. I know that God intended people to marry because the first people he created were also the first marriage. I know that God loves marriage....but why does this all just feel so wrong to me? I have somehow gotten the idea into my head that romantic love is selfish because it makes a person feel good. I've read John Piper's book "Desiring God" and in there he talks about how "God is most glorified in us, when we are most satisfied in Him." So I know that what I may feel to be "selfish" isn't actually selfish...in fact, it glorifies God. But I'm still stuck!

I'm stuck between knowing the facts, and the feelings I've developed about it. I think a large contribution to this confusion comes from 1 Corinthians 7:32-35. Here Paul says,

"I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord’s affairs—how he can please the Lord. But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world—how he can please his wife—and his interests are divided. An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord’s affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world—how she can please her husband. I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord."
 

 This verse makes it sound like you can only have one or the other. You can either be devoted to the Lord....or be married. You can either be concerned with the Lord's affairs...or be married. This wasn't Paul's intention, was it? Did he really mean to give marriage a bad reputation? Am I the only one who struggles with these questions? I have absolutely NOTHING against marriage...I just don't know how to answer these questions. I'm confused. Lord please help me to understand.

"When Sparrow's Fall"

God is so awesome. Seriously. I love learning new things from Him and hearing the things He wants to tell me. I follow this blog called Wonderfully Made Blog (seriously go check it out....it's awesome) and today there was a post with a video sermon embedded. I had an hour to kill so I figured I'd watch it....wow. It was SO GOOD! God taught me so many things in that 54 minute video. The pastor, Britt Merrick gave a sermon about Matthew 10. But it wasn't just a sermon...it was his family's story. (I don't want to even attempt to tell his story in fear of getting my facts confused so I'll let you watch the sermon for yourself here) The thing he spoke about that hit me the hardest though was about Matthew 10:29. It says, 

"Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground outside your Father’s care."

These are profound words. As Britt points out, Jesus wasn't saying that the sparrow will never fall. He's saying they WILL fall....But the awesome thing is that even though they fall, they will never be outside your Father's care. God will ALWAYS be there. I could talk about this for so much longer but I don't want to just repeat everything Britt said. So seriously, make some time and watch his sermon. I promise you won't regret it. And if you think it's a waste of your time, I will personally come apologize to you and buy you an "I'm Sorry" cake. That's how much I love what this man had to say. Click THIS LINK and GO! :)

They Just Believe.

I've been struggling with doubt a lot lately (you can read about it in my last post). It's just one of those things that has been consuming my thoughts recently....My mom prayed with me about God revealing his wisdom and that really helped, but I was still allowing it to creep into my thoughts periodically. Just a few moments ago I was sitting on my bed, listening to my iTunes on shuffle and doing some homework. A thought of doubt came into my head, and I was dwelling on it when the song "They Just Believe" by Josh Wilson started playing.....wow. THIS IS EXACTLY HOW I'M FEELING! Not only was I able to put words to my feelings, but it's so reassuring to know that someone else was feeling the same way I am right now. This song has become my new prayer.

Doubt.

Have you ever made a decision and then immediately doubted if you had made the right choice or not? You know, that feeling in the pit of your stomach that reminds you that you could be wrong? I've been feeling that a lot lately. After some prayer, I made a decision that I thought would correct a wrong decision I had made earlier. But now I'm starting to doubt again...Now I'm starting to wonder if the first "wrong decision" was even wrong to begin with. If I'm confusing you, don't worry I'm just as confused as you are. I just wish all these decisions would go away, and that God would lay out my life just the way he wants it to be...without me getting in the way and screwing things up. But maybe the larger problem here isn't the fact that I have all these decisions to make....maybe the real problem is that I keep doubting.

Doubt: To be uncertain about, or consider questionable or unlikely. To distrust. To fear or be apprehensive about. To hesitate to believe......To hesitate to believe.

Is that my problem? I'm not truly believing? I'm constantly analyzing, questioning and examining the situations I go through in life, and I'm constantly trying to figure out what direction God wants me to go. I'll think I have the answer, but then something will happen to make me doubt if this was the route God intended for me at all. I have always had the hardest time discerning God's voice, and I think a big part of my problem is because I doubt. I'll hear a voice or think some thoughts that are from God....but then after dwelling on them for a moment I begin to doubt and wonder if it was really God, or just my own thoughts coming through. I don't want to become one of those religious people that justify all their actions because they think God told them to do it....but then again, I don't want to be ignoring the things God is trying to tell me either.

THIS IS SO DIFFICULT.

I can imagine this is a bit what Thomas felt when he had first heard the news of Jesus' rising from the dead. Upon hearing the news he responded by saying, "Unless I see the nail marks in his hands and put my finger where the nails where, and put my hand into his side, I will not believe." But that was smart of him right? We shouldn't believe everything we may hear...right? I mean Thomas was there, he saw Jesus beaten and crucified, surely he wasn't wrong in doubting.

But he was wrong. 

Jesus himself said to Thomas, "Because you have seen me, you have believed; blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed." We use the term "Doubting Thomas" as a negative name for someone. But wouldn't we all have some sort of doubt if we were in Thomas' shoes? I know I definitely would.

This is just why this topic is so hard for me to deal with......I feel like there's a fine line between this child-like faith that God desires for us, and being too trusting that we fall into Satan's schemes. UGH this is so frustrating for me because I'm so confused that I don't even know what to think. But what I do know is this: Life decisions are hard, and I have more doubt than I should. Lord please help me.