Beauty in the Sink.

"I want to see beauty. In the ugly, in the sink, in the suffering, in the daily, in all the days before I die, the moments before I sleep."

~Ann Voskamp

Sometimes it's difficult to see beauty in our everyday lives. We get stuck in the same routine, doing the same mundane tasks, and we forget to take time to notice the beauty God gives us each day.
There's beauty in our daily interactions with others.
There's beauty in the scenery on our way to work our school.
There's beauty in the arguments, the stubbed toes, and the disappointments.
We often wonder how we can actively seek God in our everyday lives, and the answer is to seek out his beauty in every circumstance. This December, I challenge you to start seeing beauty in daily tasks. In the falling snow, the family time, the sleeping in, and even during finals week and when your car gets stuck in the snow at the end of your driveway.

Where have you seen beauty today?

The Hosea Love Story

Those of us who went to Sunday School, sat in church during the series about the Old Testament or took Bible classes have all heard the story of Hosea...at least on a surface level. We know that he married an unfaithful woman named Gomer, and that his relationship with her is supposed to be a representation of God's relationship with us. If you didn't know about Hosea, then I just gave you the entire premise of his story. For me, it's always been one of those stories where I think "Yeah, yeah yeah, we're unfaithful. I get it." But it wasn't until I saw this short video series entitled, The Hosea Love Story, that I actually realized what it all means. What it all represents.
"In this modern day telling of the book of Hosea, Hosea has entered into a covenant with Gomer just as God has entered into a covenant with His people. We have not merely broken God's law; we've broken God's heart. We have grieved him. But despite all our spiritual adultery, we cannot exhaust the love of God. We deserve to be shown No Mercy and called "Not My People" but because Jesus was shown no mercy and was forsaken by the Father, we can rest secure in God's love for us. There is nothing in us that can evoke the love of God, and there is nothing in us that can exhaust the love of God." 
I guess the entire time I heard Hosea's story, I just knew that we were unfaithful...it didn't even cross my mind that God's heart was broken. Please watch these short videos and let them change the way you viewed the story of Hosea and Gomer.

The Hosea Love Story Part 1: The Covenant Love of God (Hosea 1-2:1)

 

The Hosea Love Story Part 2: The Tough Love of God (Hosea 2:1-13)

 The Hosea Love Story Part 3: The Tender Love of God (Hosea 2:14-23)

The Hosea Love Story Part 4: The Redeeming Love of God (Hosea 3)

The Hosea Love Story Part 5: Our Response (Hosea 6)

The Hosea Love Story Part 6: The Relentless Love of God (Hosea 14)

How have you walked away from God in your life and broken his heart? 

When have you experienced God standing beside you while you were trying to run away from Him?

Will you allow him to forgive you once you've strayed? 

Will you accept his redeeming love?

One of the hardest parts about coming to God is accepting that His love covers all the brokenness we bring.

Why I Will Never Wear a Bikini Again...

In high-school I bought my first bikini. I remember begging and begging my mother to let me get one, and my mom FINALLY let me purchase my first bikini in the summer after my Junior year. Our agreement was that I would only wear it at my best friend Jynni's pool, but I didn't always follow that rule. By my Freshman year of college, I had built up my collection of bikinis, and wore them proudly at the beach with my friends. I'm young, thin, and pretty so of course I should be showing off my body, right?
Wrong. 
It wasn't until this past summer that I learned a couple things about bikinis that I would like to share. First, lets start with their origin. On July 5, 1946, the bikini was invented by Louis Réard, a French engineer who worked in his mother's lingerie shop. It was constructed out of a mere 30-inches of fabric, and was only considered a true bikini if it could be pulled through a wedding ring, and fit entirely into a matchbox. Four days prior to Réard's invention, the United States military had conducted nuclear tests at Bikini Atoll. Réard knew that the public's reaction would be as explosive as these tests, and therefore called his creation the "bikini." The public was horrified by this new swimsuit, and Parisian models refused to even wear such a thing. For this reason, Louis Réard hired a stripper to showcase his new design because no one else dared to wear it. Countries like Belguim, Italy, Spain, and Australia banned bikinis, and they were even declared sinful by the Vatican. Even Modern Girl magazine in 1957 wrote, "It is hardly necessary to waste words over the so-called bikini since it is inconceivable that any girl with tact and decency would ever wear such a thing." There were even guards on US beaches that would measure bathing suits, and those women who dared to show up in a bikini were likely to be kicked off of the beach.

Wow, a lot has changed since back then. If you go to the beach today, almost every female will be wearing a bikini. So what changed? How did we become so accepting of these bikinis that were described by one writer as "a two piece bathing suit that reveals everything about a girl, except for her mother's maiden name"?

In the 1960's things began to change. This time period is known for the sexual revolution, and women's movement. Along with these two changes, came the rising popularity of the bikini. Soon, nobody was afraid to wear one. Last year alone, annual spending on bikinis totaled over 8 billion dollars. EIGHT BILLION DOLLARS! This popularity gets attributed to the power of women, rather than the power of fashion. But what is this power we talk about? Women tend to see the act of wearing a bikini, as a way to say that we are powerful, independent, and strong. Many women see the bikini as an opportunity to be considered an equal, and to be seen as "in control." Whether these thoughts are conscious or subconscious, women all feel a sense of power when wearing a bikni. However, the power they're experiencing may not be the power they were looking for.

In 2009, male college students at Princeton University participated in a study of how the male brain reacts to seeing people in varying amounts of clothing. (Link here) When shown images of scantily clad women, the region of the brain associated with tools and the intention to form action lit up in the subject's brains. This is the same region of the brain that lit up when these same males were shown pictures of screwdrivers and hammers. Some of these men showed ZERO brain activity in the medial prefrontal cortex, which is the part of the brain that lights up when one is pondering another person's thoughts, feelings and intentions. Researchers were shocked by this, because they almost never see this part of the brain shut down in this way. It's as if they were reacting to these women, as they weren't even people, but objects. In a separate Princeton study, undergrads found that men tend to associate bikini-clad women with first person action verbs such as "I push," "I handle," and "I grab." However when shown images of fully clothed women, men tend to associate them with third-person action verbs such as "she pushes," and "she grabs." These clothed women were perceived to be in control of their own actions, whereas the women in bikinis were seen as objects to be used, not someone to connect with. 

So from what we see here, wearing a bikini DOES give a woman power. It gives her the power to shut down a man's ability to see her as a person. It gives her the power to be seen as an object, and it gives her the power to cause a man to stumble. It does NOT give a woman the power to be seen as an equal, and it does NOT give a woman the power to be seen as "in control" and as someone to be taken seriously. This power is more attainable when dressing modestly, yet we cringe at that very word.

This word just sounds so lame. Even the synonyms of "modesty" are "simpleness" and "plainness." Honestly, a lifestyle of modesty sounds like I need to start wearing frumpy clothing and asking my grandmother for fashion advice. After doing some research on modest clothing, I was surprised to realize that I can dress modestly without sacrificing fashion, EVEN when I'm buying swimsuits. I'm going to post a couple links to websites I love that offer modest clothing (even one with swimsuits!) but the truth of the matter is that you don't have to shop at special stores or websites in order to get modest clothing. Once you consciously make the decision to dress modestly, you can easily dress in a way that will earn you respect. This week I want to challenge you to take an honest look at your clothing choices and ask yourself some questions. What message are you sending with your clothing? What kind of power are you actually gaining? I don't want anyone to think that I'm going to judge them for dressing immodestly or for wearing a bikini, because quite frankly I'm not going to judge you at all. I just know that personally, I have decided to make an effort to live a modest lifestyle, and I hope to inspire some girls to do the same.
http://www.reyswimwear.com/
http://www.shabbyapple.com/
So what are your thoughts on modesty? I would love to read your comments!!

Eucharisto.

The Lord has really been teaching me a lot lately about being grateful. And not just grateful for the big things either, but for every little seemingly insignificant thing. I wrote a post back in June talking about this journey I'm on towards achieving this goal, and I wish I could say that I'm there....but I'm really not. I guess I didn't realize that it was so hard to remember to thank God for things. I mean truly, I owe Him everything. EVERYTHING. The air in my lungs, the clothes on my back, the food in my stomach, the ground that I walk on. None of it is my own, and yet I use it thoughtlessly as if it's rightly mine. Well it's not. . . . None of it is. It's all a gift. Even my ability to live and think and dream is a gift.

So if this is all true, then WHY is it so difficult for me to remember to be thankful?

The answer is quite simple really. It's because I'm self-centered. I'm just plain inconsiderate, and I'm starting to feel like the spoiled-rotten daughter of a rich CEO who doesn't think twice about all the amazing things her father gives her. And I know I'm not alone in this one either. When is the last time that you honestly thanked God for something that is usually overlooked by you or by others? If you make this thankfulness a daily practice, then I admire you, you are something that I'm aspiring to be. . . . but if not, and if you're just like me, then how do we get out of this mess? How do we become grateful? How do we remember that these lives are not our own?

I wish there was a simple solution. To be honest, I don't know how to fix this problem. I don't even have the slightest idea. But I know who does. His name is above all others, and He is the perfect example of gratefulness, even in the toughest of situations. His name is Jesus Christ. How amazing is it, that even on the final night before His crucifixion, He broke bread and gave thanks? The cross was before him and He knew He was going to die a painful death. . . .yet he STILL gave thanks. (1 Corinthians 11:24) It's incredible really. How amazing is it, that when 5,000 hungry people came to hear him preach, the Lord gave thanks and was able to provide more than enough food for everyone? (John 6:1-13) Amazing things happen when we give thanks!

"Eucharisto (thanksgiving) always precedes the miracle." -Ann Voskamp

So the big question here is "How?" I really don't know how. . . but I do know that I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength. Even though I know I'm going to keep failing at being thankful, I know that the Lord is my rock and my stronghold. Even when we fall short in the area of thanksgiving, He still loves us just the same. This week I challenge you to be more conscious of the things God has provided you. I challenge you to thank God for the little things and the medium things and the big things. I'll be doing this challenge right along-side of you. . . I can't promise that I'll do it perfectly, but I pray that God will help me all the way. 

Change.

As I'm sitting in my half-packed up room listening to music and trying to avoid getting out of bed, I'm thinking about all the change that will be happening for me this year. I'm really excited to get back to Bethel University and start my Junior Year, see all my friends and get back into the swing of things, but going back to Bethel means that my family is one step closer to possibly moving. For those of you who don't know, my dad was apart of the big Boise Paper layoff that happened recently in International Falls. He's currently searching for a job, which means he most likely won't won't work in Int'l Falls any longer . . . my parents will probably have to move. I'm living in the Mpls area so I'm not technically moving . . . but I still won't be able to call good ol' I Falls my home. No more International Falls winters (which may sound like a good thing to avoid but I'm truly going to miss them). No more Freeze-Your-Gizzard-Blizzard-Run. No more seeing all the ice houses on Rainy Lake once it's frozen over. No more jumping into the lake through a hole in the ice. No more "It's snowing in May!" No more driving "Hotlaps" with friends around town while catching up on all the latest gossip. No more City Beach in the summer. No more small town 4th of July parade. No more being able to watch the Canadian fireworks in the boat. No more Bass Tournament. No more "It's snowing before Halloween!" No more familiar streets. No more.

After high school I wanted SO badly to get out of this small town, but now that I know that my family won't live here much longer, part of me doesn't even want to go back to Bethel . . . part of me wants to stay here in my familiar room, in this familiar house, surrounded by a familiar neighborhood, in this familiar town filled with familiar faces. There's nothing wrong in wanting things to stay familiar . . . right?

"For I know the plans I have for you" declares the Lord. 

"plans to prosper you and not to harm you,

 plans to give you a hope for the future. 

Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, 

and I will listen to you. 

You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all of your heart.

{Jeremiah 29:11-13}

I have probably heard this verse about a million times. No lie. Between church services, Sunday School lessons, confirmation classes, Bible Camp, and graduation cards, this verse has crossed my path more times than I can even count. Regardless of how many times I've heard it though, it still hasn't lost any of its truth. God has a plan. Even though I'm really good at messing up and doing things wrong, and even though things surprise us and seem really bad at the time, God still has a plan. And not only does He have a plan, but he has my best interests at heart. I heard my mom talking to a friend about this whole moving situation just the other day, and she said "You know, this just means that God is done with us here. He wants to send us somewhere else now so he can use us there." That truly is the perfect perspective to have in this whole situation. While many families in town are seeing this layoff as a reason to be angry at God and blame him for what's going on, my parents are able to turn to God and say, "Okay God, what do you have for us next?"Their attitude is probably the main reason why I haven't spent too much time thinking about all that I will miss from this town....until now that is. BUT even though there's a lot I will miss, I'm so excited to hear about all the new things God will be doing through my parents in their new town (wherever that may be). With this new job, new town, new neighborhood, new house, new church, and additional friends my parents will be making, comes NEW OPPORTUNITY to reach out and accomplish work for Christ. That's so exciting! And it's for that reason, that I'm sad to be leaving International Falls, but I'm more just excited to see what God has around the corner. 

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, 

and are called according to His purpose.

{Romans 8:28}

Happy Friday!

Hey everyone! So remember when I said I was going to write a new post every Sunday? Well . . . turns out that's harder than I thought, especially when I don't have anything on my heart to write about. Since I'm still pretty inconsistent with posting on Sundays, I'm going to do random short posts when I don't know what else to write. Those short posts may contain a picture, quote, video, or something that I saw during the week that I enjoyed. Here's the first one! A quote that I found from Leonard Ravenhill that I absolutely adore. Have a great Friday! 

Wherever I go, I want Christ to be magnified.

I don't want somebody to say, "If that's Christianity, I don't want it."

I don't want somebody to say, "You know, the way you live - you blur the image of Christ."

I want those people to look through my life and say, "I see Jesus Christ."

{-Leonard Ravenhill}

Grateful.

This morning I am feeling....especially grateful.

I'm grateful for the sun streaming through my windows and onto my tan carpet.

I'm grateful for my alone time with my Savior this morning.

I'm grateful for my small leather bible filled with underlined passages and notes in the margins.

I'm grateful for the smell of my mom's fresh baked blueberry muffins.

I'm grateful for the potential of today. 

God is so good! And right now I'm feeling especially grateful to Him for all He has done, and continues to do in my life. 

Today is a great day.

Authentic Relationship.

I've been reading through the gospels lately, and something has been bothering me. As I turn page after page, each chapter documents the historical moments of Jesus life on earth, and His spoken words are a bright glaring red. But theres this quiet discontentment in my heart that has made me ask myself a difficult question.... Am I reading, studying, and underlining to gain knowledge about Jesus, or to get to know Jesus?

You see, the difference here between the two is tricky, because knowledge can be and often is gained within the growth of relationships. However, I see Christians (myself included) repeatedly content with head knowledge rather then knowledge of the heart. We often don’t realize how meaningless all of the church attendance, Christian book reading, and dare I say- even Bible reading is, when the words only sink into our heads and fail to pierce our hearts. Most of the time we don’t even realize how fruitless this knowledge is until it's too late and tragedy strikes.
As I was considering what I would blog about today, I began to review in my mind some of the stories I have read, about the life of Jesus in the past few days. He healed the lame, had compassion on the sick, and he loved the unlovable. He said, “follow me” and broken people followed with confidence, leaving everything they had behind.
Not surprisingly, some of the best human minds can't fully understand all that Jesus was and all He accomplished during His short life here on earth. We can’t even begin to wrap our minds around the unconditional love that radiates from His character- especially not in today's culture where we are so busy judging, living our own lives, and ignoring the needs of those around us. But what we often forget, is that we have the unthinkable opportunity to not just know about Jesus, but to know Him intimately. To be on a first name basis with our Savior!

Honestly, I forget this unbelievable privilege of Christianity far too often. Sometimes my prayer time  gets pushed to the bottom of my overwhelming daily “to-do” lists. Sometimes, I hurry through my Bible reading, trying to digest the passages quickly like fast food eaten in the car on my way to the next thing on my agenda. I get so busy in my own little world, that I stop listening, or rather stop caring, about what His plans may be for that day for my life. My day turns into "oh, I'll spend time with him later, I'm just so busy right now.." or "I'll do my devotions first thing tomorrow, I promise!"
I was thinking this morning about my friendships. I’ve been blessed with some really awesome, lifelong friends. When I'm with my close friends, I love to be with them. I love to laugh at inside jokes. Love to talk about the new celebrity gossip. Love to enjoy movies, concerts and food with them. I love to experience both the mundane days and the adventurous days. Would I be content with reading a book about them without the actual experience of being around them? Absolutely not. I would be devastated if my only means of getting to know my friends relationally was by reading a few brief pages documenting their days, what they said, or where they went. In other words, a Facebook style relationship with my best friends would leave me feeling miserable.

So then why as Christians, do we live as if such a relationship with Jesus is acceptable or even beneficial? It’s not knowing about Jesus that leads to a changed life....it’s real authentic encounters with Him that does. It’s a daily personal encounter with a magnificent God who knows all about you and me, and yet chooses to still love us more than we can imagine, that takes our messed up lives and makes them something God-glorifying. It's that kind of relationship that changes lives. Investing in an authentic relationship with Jesus brings us hope in despair, peace beyond understanding, and a wellspring of joy! It simply begins with a hungry heart, a sincere cry out to Jesus to know Him intimately, and an investment in quiet, solitary time with His word and prayer. Jesus died so that you could know Him, not just to know about Him.

"So, do you have a boyfriend yet?"

Now that I'm in college, I feel like I get asked this question by every relative and adult that I know. Seriously, it seems like I can't go a week without someone asking me if I've found "THE ONE" yet. I got asked this question by someone I ran into the other day at the supermarket, so I just smiled and said no, and then we continued our conversation. While I was driving home though, I began to think about it and it really bothered me. It doesn't bother me that I'm currently single, in fact I'm actually enjoying this time of singleness. It bothers me that people seem to think that finding a boyfriend should be the priority of my life. Why is this? 

Well lets take a look at one contributor....the media. Almost every TV show, movie, book, magazine, and song out there have finding your soul mate as the main focus. Since a HUGE majority of them talk about love and romance, it teaches us that those things are two of the only things that matter in life. Now I'm not saying that these things are wrong at all, but since when did they become the point of life? We've all been brainwashed into thinking that the point of our lives is to go through school, find a boyfriend or girlfriend, get married, have kids, raise them, and then spoil our grandkids. This sounds like a great life, but that's not the reason why we were put on this earth. 

The purpose of our lives is to glorify God, and not anything short of that! I wish people would start asking me how God is working in my life, or about my relationship with Him, rather than my relationship status on Facebook. I know that my purpose is to grow in my relationship with the Lord, and let Him reflect through my life, not to just find a nice boy to marry. If I do find a Christian man to marry, then that's wonderful! But if I don't, then it's not the end of the world! That's not the main purpose of my life anyways. God can do marvelous things through marriage, especially since it represents God's relationship with the church. But what good does it do if you get married without realizing your original purpose? I'm not going to speak like I know anything about marriage since I've never been married before, but by looking at my parents, I know what a relationship is supposed to look like. My parents absolutely adore each other, but they still put God first. God is their first priority in life, and because of that, their relationship reflects Him. If I do end up getting married someday, I want a relationship like that....I want my husband to love God more than he loves me. 

I believe this mixed-up-priority business is also a contributor to girls with low self-esteem. I know SO many girls who find all their self-worth in boys, because they've been tricked into thinking boys are the key to happiness. If we go through life thinking that we NEED to find a boy or else there's no point to our lives, then we will be absolutely miserable! Every time you get rejected, you feel worthless. When you're single you'll think there's something wrong with you. It's not healthy to be thinking this way. When you start finding your worth in the Lord, that's when you can find joy in every situation. 

So when it all comes down to it, if I find a man that I believe will help me fulfill my original purpose in life, then I will be more than happy. But if I don't, it doesn't matter because my purpose in life still remains the same....to Glorify God.

Distractions.

Distractions. They have a way of creeping into our lives. Sometimes we don't even notice them until after they have come and gone. Distractions are tricky things... you see, they all have this way of seeming really important at the time....It's only afterwards that you realize the amount of time you wasted. In my life, my smartphone is a large distraction to me. Not only do I use it for texting and calling, but I have social media apps such as Twitter, Facebook and Instagram. I have one or two games, Snapchat, my email, the internet, YouTube, and Spotify. These can all be useful apps, but in my life, they're more of a distraction than anything else. How many times have I sat there looking at my phone screen instead of talking to someone else in the room? That's an opportunity wasted! How many times have I scrolled through my newsfeed on Facebook instead of reading a book or doing something that actually holds value? Another opportunity wasted! These things aren't bad in themselves, it's when we let them take over our time that they become a poor choice. Facebook and Twitter wouldn't be such large time wasters for me if I didn't have them on my phone. 

So here's the plan....I'm deleting them. I'm getting rid of everything on my phone that distracts me. My phone will basically consist of iMessage, the calculator, and flashlight. I'm just so sick of wasting my time! God gave me this life so that I can LIVE it not WASTE it! I don't want to look back at my life and wonder what I could have done differently. I want to enjoy it now and take every opportunity God gives me, to live my life to the fullest in the place where I'm at. I wish I could say that my phone wasn't a problem for me, but honestly, it is. And there are obviously a lot more things I can be doing in order to accomplish this goal of minimal distractions, but my first plan of action is against my smartphone. I'm excited to start this challenge and begin accomplishing tasks that I would've been distracted from otherwise. So here are my goals. The short list of things I want to do over the summer, without my smartphone there to distract me.

1. Read more books!

I. Love. Reading. I absolutely adore it. This summer, I would LOVE to tackle my reading list. So instead of going online to Facebook, Twitter, or my personal favorite: Reddit, I'm going to dedicate more time to exploring books.

2. Get to know a new person EACH day!

So this might sound like a ridiculous goal, but I'm really looking forward to this one. I love meeting new people! I'm working as a tour guide this summer, so I meet at least 5-10 new tourists each day. However, meeting them and getting to know them are two different stories. I'm going to actually take the time to get to know them beyond just their names and where they're from. A lot of pretty amazing people come through my tours, and it's about time I take advantage of that and let them impact my life in any positive way they can.

But now here's my challenge to you. Figure out what's distracting you! Is it your laptop? Is it a game? Is it the TV? Or maybe you're like me, and your distractions come from your phone. After you figure out what's distracting you, it's time to make the decision......do you want to continue letting that object distract you? or are you going to do something about it? If you would rather keep things the way they are, that is 100% fine. I just know that in my life, I will benefit greatly from removing all the distractions I can. The choice is absolutely up to you! I know that I'm not going to regret this, and I hope you won't either :)

Thanksgiving.

"I have learned how to be content with whatever I have. 

I know how to live on almost nothing or with everything. 

I have learned the secret of living in every situation, 

whether it is with a full stomach or empty, with plenty or little."

-Philippians 4:11-12

I've started to read a book called "One Thousand Gifts" by Ann Voskamp....and it has completely made a difference in my life. In this book, Ann challenges her readers to find thanksgiving in EVERY circumstance. Ann writes about the heart wrenching experiences that she has had in her own life, and how she was still able to give thanks no matter what. "Our salvation in Christ is real, yet the completeness of that salvation is not fully realized in a life until the life realizes the need to give thanks."  You might not agree with this statement, and the first time I read it I didn't know if I really believed it either. But this book challenged me to start writing down all the gifts from God I encountered in a day. It started out with basic things, and the more I was looking for blessings, the more I saw them. And the more I saw them, the more I wanted to see more of them. I've only been writing them down for about a week now, and I've encountered over 50 Gifts in my everyday life....and those are only the ones that I took the time to write down. I keep a journal, with encountered gifts such as these: 

2. The smell of the air right before it rains.

5. Walking barefoot in grass.

12. Colorful children's books.

17. Stopping to listen to the whole congregation sing.

25. Sunshine on cold skin.

29. Smiles from strangers.

32. The reliable 'ticking' of our bathroom clock.

40. Sitting still.

44. Old buildings, each with a unique story.

50. Shimmering dew on grass.

52. Old couples holding hands.

It's things like these that I began to notice....and even find joy in. How often do we go through our everyday life and not take the time to notice the little things? And not only notice them, but to thank God for them? 

My way of thanking God is by acknowledging these small gifts and writing them down. I believe the practice of noticing blessings and writing them down will help me when I experience hard times later on...because I know that it's inevitable. This practice now, will help me to see God's gifts later when it's more difficult. And not only will it help me later on, but it's helping me right NOW. It's helping me enjoy life more, rather than going through the motions. Instead of just driving to work in the morning, I can use that as an opportunity to find a gift. I actually take the time to look at the buildings and people I'm driving past, instead of passing by like they don't exist. Life is short and time is valuable. So why not use the time we have and find joy in everything! This week I challenge you to READ THIS BOOK! I'll even let you borrow my copy! My second challenge is to start writing down the small gifts in your life. Anything from the feeling of folding warm clothes straight from the dryer, to spontaneous lunch dates with old friends. Start noticing them! Life is just too short to let it all pass by.

Jeremiah 17:9

"The heart is deceitful above all things, and beyond cure...who can understand it?" 

-Jeremiah 17:9

Sometimes I don’t like being a student. I know that sounds bad, but sometimes I would rather do anything else but study and get good grades. I know in my head that studying is an honor, but especially today, studying is the last thing I want to do. (I'm even writing this blog post right now instead of tackling tomorrow's homework, for petesake!) I’m pretty sure every single nook & cranny of my brain is filled up with information my professors swear I'll need one day. So, this is my confession to you: today I'm pretty tired of being a student.

But even though this is the case, part of me feels like I should be happy all the time about studying. After all, it’s an honor right? I should be grateful, because not everyone gets this chance, right? Papers aren’t supposed to be like pulling teeth, right?

If you asked me right now what my favorite thing to do was, the first thing to come to mind is sitting in my sweatpants, watching a movie with my roommates, drinking tea and being lazy. But that sounds pretty lame... So instead, I would probably tell you how I like super ambitious and adventurous things like traveling and biking and how I sometimes like running. For some reason, I feel like even what I enjoy needs to measure up to some sort of standard.

Sometimes I feel like I need to be soaking in my 20's by staying single, traveling the world and trying exotic foods, while other times I feel like I need to be finding "the one" and establishing a family. Yet even other times, I feel like I should be out doing more missions work either in this country or another, and putting all my own ambitions aside.
And amidst all of these feelings, I also feel like I need to be accomplishing more little things…

Like running half-marathons,

taking really cool pictures,

reading more books,

cooking super awesome foods I found on Pinterest....

 

What the heck? Where do these “feel like” statements come from? To be honest, I think they come from other people. It's plain and simple. "Feel like" statements come from comparing ourselves to other people. It’s dangerous how we allow these lies to reign in the name of feelings. Being a college Sophomore, there are a lot of "feel like" statements that I feel the pressure from. There's this standard for our college experiences that we hold, instead of just letting our experience be our own unique experience. 

Remember how 3rd grade was just 3rd grade? We showed up, learned some multiplication, hung out with our friends, and went home? We didn't dwell on whether we were hanging out with enough people or our clothes were fashionable enough. My main concern was keeping my new school shoes clean, and what to bring for lunch. Oh, and I think my handwriting was a big concern of mine back then too. We used to live life as it came to us each day, instead of contriving our reality. I think we can all find some blame in social media. It really hasn't been a friend to us by any means. It shows us everyone else's edited perfection under the disguise of every day life. It keeps us scrolling through people's lives instead of engaging one another.
 

Social media a great scapegoat, but unfortunately for us, it is not the cause. Social media can't make us feel a certain way. We choose to allow ourselves to feel the way we do. I hear this phrase a lot: "but, I just feel like I should..." Friend, somedays I feel like I want to stay in bed all day. But, I get up. Sometimes I feel like I want to dye my hair purple. But, I remember that'd be a dumb thing to do. Sometimes I feel like I'm a failure. Sometimes I feel like I'm not smart, pretty, capable, going anywhere, making the right career choice... and a crap ton of other things.  
 

The bottom line is this: feelings can lie. We read that in Jeremiah 17:9 when the prophet says that the heart is DECEITFUL above all things. Feelings are deceiving! Don't listen to them! Just because I don't FEEL like doing my homework, doesn't mean I shouldn't still be a good student. We cannot live off of what we feel like we ought to be doing. Otherwise, we let the world around us-- or the contrived reality of Facebook & the whims of hormones-- define how we perceive our lives.

Instead, we must choose Christ & trust His plan above our own.

Pride.

There's a quote by Theodore Roosevelt that says, "Comparison is the thief of joy." Can I just say that I absolutely love this quote? I had it as the background image on my phone for several months as a daily reminder. Recently however, that quote has come to have a different meaning in my mind. You see, originally I saw this quote as a reminder to not compare myself to others that I see as better than myself. For instance, "I shouldn't feel bad if someone else is prettier, smarter, funnier, or nicer than I am. Comparing myself to them will just steal all my joy, because it will make me feel bad about myself." This is what I interpreted this quote to be saying, every time I unlocked my phone and saw those words lit up on my screen. But now I see it differently...I think I was missing a huge part of what this quote is really trying to express. No, we should not feel bad about ourselves, but I think Roosevelt may have been warning against something more damaging. I believe he may have been talking about pride.

 When I look at others, comparing and feeling bad about myself will steal happiness away from me....but it's when I'm comparing and being prideful of myself that my joy will be taken away. Do you see the difference there? Happiness and joy are completely different things. Happiness is a temporary feeling, whereas joy can be a lifestyle. Joy is more than just an emotion, it comes from the Lord. Pride steals joy by making us self-focused. It's so easy to get into the trap of thinking highly of ourselves, and not about the well-being of others. In Jesus' time, He spoke about a lot of topics that people struggled with...all of which we still struggle with today. One of my favorite parables that Jesus ever told, has do do with this very issue....Pride. 

In Luke 18, Jesus tells the parable of the Pharisee and the Tax Collector. He says, 

 “Two men went up to the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector. The Pharisee stood by himself and prayed: ‘God, I thank you that I am not like other people—robbers, evildoers, adulterers—or even like this tax collector. I fast twice a week and give a tenth of all I get.’  

But the tax collector stood at a distance. He would not even look up to heaven, but beat his breast and said, ‘God, have mercy on me, a sinner.’ 

 I tell you that this man, rather than the other, went home justified before God. For all those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted.”

You see, the Pharisee was prideful, which in turn made him unjustified before God. The man who was humble went home justified. The phrase, "Pride comes before the fall" wasn't created because it has a nice ring to it....it's the TRUTH! Being prideful of ourselves in comparison to others is damaging, and has absolutely no value to it. 

So how do we break from this self-centeredness? How do we move away from this prideful behavior and into a life of joy? The answer, I'm sorry to say, isn't an easy one... the answer is to learn humility. Humility is gained through practice as we grow in wisdom and in grace. It is achieved by being put into circumstances where you could be prideful, but you choose not to be. It is gained by taking a conscious effort to view others as better than ourselves. Humility is not something you're born with...it's a mindset that is learned through practice and God's grace.   

I know humility is a hard thing to accomplish, but all things are possible with God's help. This week, let's all ask God to show us which areas of our lives are filled with pride. Let's ask him to help us to not only overcome that pride, but also live a lifestyle full of humility. And finally, let's all remember those wise words from President Roosevelt....Comparison is the thief of joy.

Distorted Beauty.

I'm so fed up! 

Is anyone else out there sick and tired of caring about the way we look? I feel like this world is constantly bombarding us with the message that we are not good enough, and I'm so SICK of it. I keep hearing stories lately about girls and women with eating disorders....And being a college-aged girl living in a suite with 5 other girls, I can attest to being consumed with the standards of beauty at times.

Everyone has something they do not like about themselves. I think it's our nature to pick apart and criticize ourselves by comparing ourselves and our lives to everyone around us. Satan can use these weaknesses to his advantage. It leaves us feeling too ugly, too fat, too skinny, too pale, too shy, too poor, too damaged, too annoying… too anything… and not enough of something else that we think is so lovable about others.Thinking like this is so damaging! Damaging to ourselves, to those around us, and to the cause of Christ that we have been put here to accomplish.

Satan knows exactly what he's doing when it comes to distorting beauty. If Satan can get you to believe you aren't good enough, then you eventually will believe that you can't be used by God. He doesn’t want you to believe that you are “fearfully and wonderfully made.” He does not want you to find your worth in Jesus Christ, and allow Him to transform your heart to take on the beauty of Jesus. He does not want you believe that you were made for so much more. What Satan DOES want, is for you to believe your worth comes from the number on the scale. He knows that if He can get you to believe that your worth is found in anything but Christ, then you will be defeated in your Christian life. 

I say it is high time that we fight back. We are not summed up in one number on the scale. The pictures on the pages of the magazines have nothing on the pages of God’s word and who they say I truly am.

So easily we buy into the lie that the world has something “on us” and that we need to measure up to the standard it has set for us. We try to put a band-aid over these issues by telling ourselves and each other, “You are beautiful...and unique...and wonderful...and special all on your own.” But without God in the equation, those good feelings will eventually fade. Your worth does not come from the number on the scale, how your body looks today, what other people say about you, how many people check you out, how hot your boyfriend is, or what you do together. It doesn’t come from how many friends you have, how many “likes” your Facebook status gets or how many "retweets" you get on Twitter. It doesn’t come from your parents who never seem to be proud of you no matter what you do. It doesn’t come from your job, or your clothes, your spouse, or your kids. Your worth comes from the One who created you, and has already defined you. That's it. Nothing else gives you worth but this.

The world does not appreciate you for who you are. Most people do not recognize the worth that is found in you because you are a child of Jesus Christ. You are made in His image. Jesus Christ is so beautiful, and when we find our identity in Him alone, we are defined with HIS beauty. Is there anything more beautiful than Jesus? Nope, I pinky promise. Get to know Him, and you will know what I mean. 

 I am not special because of me…what I look like, my personality, who I am, how much money I have, or my performance in my job, school, or sports. However, I am special because of Jesus…..because of all the wonderful things that HE is, and because He lives inside of me and has complete control of my heart. 

You are God’s delight. 

"The Lord your God is with you, the Mighty Warrior who saves. He will take great delight in you; in his love he will no longer rebuke you, but will rejoice over you with singing." Zephaniah 3:17 

You are Confident. 

"Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need." Hebrew 4:16 

You are the Child of God. 

"The Spirit you received does not make you slaves, so that you live in fear again; rather, the Spirit you received brought about your adoption to sonship. And by him we cry, “Abba, Father.” The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God’s children." Romans 8:15-16 

You are Fearfully and Wonderfully Made. 

 "For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." Psalm 139:13-14 

You are Loved. 

"But in all these things we overwhelmingly conquer through Him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 8:37-39 

When we embrace all of the names that our Father gives to us rather than the definitions of the world, we learn to see ourselves the way God does. God loves us beyond measure and looks on us with pride when we serve Him. In the next few days, lets take the time to focus on what God has to say about us, rather than the world. Lets be more than conquerors in Christ Nothing is impossible with Him!

Grandpa.

My heart is very heavy as I write this entry....my grandpa Ervin passed away earlier this week. The funeral is tomorrow, and it hasn't really felt real until today. He's gone. My grandpa was a wonderful, God-honoring man, and I'm so lucky to have had a grandpa like him. I have so many great memories of my grandpa....I remember spending the night at their house all the time when I was little, and he would always make me some microwave popcorn and a "chocolate malted" as he called it. He, my grandma and I would all share and watch TV together before bed. I remember always trying to convince him to let me sleep on the pull-out couch because for some reason, I thought it was the coolest thing ever. I remember how he would always sit in the same chair at the dinner table to read his newspaper and go through the mail in the morning. And he always sat in his blue la-z-boy chair when we watched TV together. He told the best stories about Sparky, Baldy and Harry. Those three went on some crazy adventures in the bedtime stories he created for me. I remember the little things like helping him clean out the gazebo in the summertime, exploring the attic, and helping him grab things for grandma in the large downstairs freezer. I remember how he would point at me and holler "Be careful!" when I would drive the four-wheelers too fast in his backyard or at the hunting shack. I remember how one time we flipped a four-wheeler when I was younger and he didn't even care if the wheeler was okay or not, all he cared about was that I was fine. I remember how he was frequently humming hymns. I remember an amazing man.
Several years ago, my grandpa was diagnosed with Parkinson's Disease. He fought a long battle with Parkinson's, and eventually reached the point where he needed full time care in the nursing home. He got to the point where he couldn't carry on a conversation very easily and sat in a wheelchair. I thought I lost my grandpa a long time ago due to Parkinson's. This Christmas though, I was able to share a special moment with my grandpa again. I was helping my cousin Jens put up our grandparent's Christmas tree and other decorations. Jens went to go bring my grandma to the nursing home to see Grandpa, so I stayed back to finish decorating. Jens came back after a few minutes however, and said "Somebody is asking for you specifically at the nursing home." So I hopped into his Jeep and we headed over. After talking to my grandpa for a long time and getting little response, Jens and I decided to leave. I went to give him a hug, and to my surprise my grandpa actually lifted his left arm and hugged me back. It had been so long since he had actually hugged me back. With Parkinson's Disease, you have some good days and bad days. It's kind of a toss up on what you get. This day was the last time I was able to see my grandpa having good day. A hug may not seem like much to you, but it was huge for me.
If you don't know my grandpa at all, these stories probably mean little to nothing to you. But they mean so much to me. My grandpa, Ervin Clarence Boyum, was an absolutely amazing man. He was a rock for his family and he loved the Lord with all his heart. He had an unshakable faith that I look up to tremendously.
One of my favorite stories about my grandpa is about when I was born. Everyone came to the hospital, and right after I was born, before I was even cleaned up or anything, my Grandpa Ervin held me and then stole me into the waiting room to show me off to everyone else. He definitely wasn't supposed to do that at all....but he was so proud of his new granddaughter, that he didn't want to wait. The picture below is from that day.

I'm sad that my grandpa is gone, and this is a very difficult time. But I have so much joy in knowing that he is with the Lord right now! He no longer has to suffer from Parkinson's Disease now that he is in heaven. I can picture him in heaven, laughing his contagious laugh and singing hymns in praise to the One who is above all else. And I have even more joy in knowing that I will see him again someday! How awesome will it be, to someday sing praises to my Heavenly Father alongside my grandfather again. I am so thankful for the time I was able to have with my grandpa Ervin, and I'm excited for the day I will see this remarkable man again. 

I'm inserting a link to his obituary here, along with some more pictures of my grandpa's life.

(Grandpa Ervin and Grandma Muriel's Wedding)

(Back from Grandpa's days in the Army)

(In Arizona with my grandparents and my older brother & sister)

(Grandma and Grandpa were awarded "Valentine's Day King and Queen" of the nursing home)

(In the Nursing Home, after my graduation from RRCC)

(My grandparents were happily married for 62 years before my grandpa passed away)

Higher Standard.

I'm one of those people who always forgets that strangers can see into my car. Always. Whenever I'm driving by myself I eventually end up singing along to the music at the top of my lungs. I will sing and dance until I make awkward eye contact with someone in a car next to me. I have gotten caught picking things out of my teeth in the rear-view mirror, and yes, someone has even caught me picking my nose before (which is super embarrassing to admit. haha) You would think that I would remember that my windows are completely see-though and barely tinted, but for some reason I seem to forget again and again.
The other day I was driving back from Rochester and noticed someone staring at me as I was singing (and dancing) to a song by my favorite band of the moment, Bastille. After they gave me a weird look and I recovered from the embarrassment, I started thinking about how much this relates to our lives as Christians....how often do we forget that other people are paying attention to our actions? No, I'm not talking about whether or not you sing or dance in the car...I'm talking about all the times we fail to act as Jesus did. Granted, we are all humans and and are bound to fail time and time again...but as Christians, aren't we supposed to be called to a higher standard?

Tonight at Vespers we sang a song called "Everything" by Tim Hughes. In this song, it talks about God being at the center of EVERY aspect of our lives. The song asks God to be present in our breathing, sleeping, working, speaking, thinking, dreaming, waiting, weeping, and healing. It's pretty easy to sing a song about wanting God to be the center of everything we do....but why is it so hard to actually live that way? We so often forget that other people are watching us to see if Christianity is all that it is said to be. People expect us to live differently than everyone else, but sadly, I feel that most of the time these observers get let down.

The term "Christian" has become so watered-down in today's age. It has lost it's true meaning. Being labeled a "Christian" is supposed to mean that you are a "Christ Follower"......but in society today, being labeled a "Christian" just means you believe there is a God, or you go to church on Easter and Christmas. Now I don't want to make it seem like I'm condemning those of you who may do these things...that is not my intention at all. But to be a Christian means to have a relationship with Christ. It means to follow after Him. If you call yourself a Christian, people will look at your life to see how it is different. People ARE going to judge you by the way you act. Becoming a true, Christ-following Christian should change every aspect of your life! It should change your breathing, sleeping, working, speaking, thinking, dreaming, waiting, weeping and healing, because God should now be at the center. We Christians need to stop pretending that people can't see into almost every aspect of our lives. We are not one-way mirrors! Other people can see what we are doing just as easily as we can see how others live.

Now the big question here is How? How are we supposed to live differently? How are we supposed to put God at the center? The answer is found in Luke 10:27 when Jesus says, "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind." When you love someone, you want them to be a huge part of your life. You want them to be apart of everything you are. The same thing goes for our relationship with God. If you truly love him with all your heart, soul, strength and mind, then not only will He be the center of your life, but others will see that and God will be glorified through you.

We cannot forget that other people are watching what we do! This is something that I really need to work on (both in my driving, and in my life). I'm a work in progress. But I pray that every day the Lord will bring me one step closer to living a life that truly glorifies him through the way I live.

 

Confusion.

I'm having a dilemma. You see, I desire to have a heart that is 100% dedicated to the Lord. I'm nowhere close to being there, but that is what I'm striving for. BUT I also have a desire and a dream to be a wife and a mother someday. To be head-over-heels in love with a man. You may not see the dilemma here....but the problem is that I don't understand how a person can have both things. I've seen people have both...like when I look at my parents who absolutely adore each other, and are incredibly faithful in their walk with the Lord. Or when I look at my grandparents, or some of my friends' parents. I can see that they are able to love their spouse completely and be dedicated to the Lord...but it still confuses me.

For some reason, I have confused myself with the idea that romantic love is selfish love. That it isn't Christ-honoring or something. Now I know the facts...I know that a marriage is a representation of the relationship between Christ and the church. I know that God intended people to marry because the first people he created were also the first marriage. I know that God loves marriage....but why does this all just feel so wrong to me? I have somehow gotten the idea into my head that romantic love is selfish because it makes a person feel good. I've read John Piper's book "Desiring God" and in there he talks about how "God is most glorified in us, when we are most satisfied in Him." So I know that what I may feel to be "selfish" isn't actually selfish...in fact, it glorifies God. But I'm still stuck!

I'm stuck between knowing the facts, and the feelings I've developed about it. I think a large contribution to this confusion comes from 1 Corinthians 7:32-35. Here Paul says,

"I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord’s affairs—how he can please the Lord. But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world—how he can please his wife—and his interests are divided. An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord’s affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world—how she can please her husband. I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord."
 

 This verse makes it sound like you can only have one or the other. You can either be devoted to the Lord....or be married. You can either be concerned with the Lord's affairs...or be married. This wasn't Paul's intention, was it? Did he really mean to give marriage a bad reputation? Am I the only one who struggles with these questions? I have absolutely NOTHING against marriage...I just don't know how to answer these questions. I'm confused. Lord please help me to understand.

"When Sparrow's Fall"

God is so awesome. Seriously. I love learning new things from Him and hearing the things He wants to tell me. I follow this blog called Wonderfully Made Blog (seriously go check it out....it's awesome) and today there was a post with a video sermon embedded. I had an hour to kill so I figured I'd watch it....wow. It was SO GOOD! God taught me so many things in that 54 minute video. The pastor, Britt Merrick gave a sermon about Matthew 10. But it wasn't just a sermon...it was his family's story. (I don't want to even attempt to tell his story in fear of getting my facts confused so I'll let you watch the sermon for yourself here) The thing he spoke about that hit me the hardest though was about Matthew 10:29. It says, 

"Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground outside your Father’s care."

These are profound words. As Britt points out, Jesus wasn't saying that the sparrow will never fall. He's saying they WILL fall....But the awesome thing is that even though they fall, they will never be outside your Father's care. God will ALWAYS be there. I could talk about this for so much longer but I don't want to just repeat everything Britt said. So seriously, make some time and watch his sermon. I promise you won't regret it. And if you think it's a waste of your time, I will personally come apologize to you and buy you an "I'm Sorry" cake. That's how much I love what this man had to say. Click THIS LINK and GO! :)

They Just Believe.

I've been struggling with doubt a lot lately (you can read about it in my last post). It's just one of those things that has been consuming my thoughts recently....My mom prayed with me about God revealing his wisdom and that really helped, but I was still allowing it to creep into my thoughts periodically. Just a few moments ago I was sitting on my bed, listening to my iTunes on shuffle and doing some homework. A thought of doubt came into my head, and I was dwelling on it when the song "They Just Believe" by Josh Wilson started playing.....wow. THIS IS EXACTLY HOW I'M FEELING! Not only was I able to put words to my feelings, but it's so reassuring to know that someone else was feeling the same way I am right now. This song has become my new prayer.

Doubt.

Have you ever made a decision and then immediately doubted if you had made the right choice or not? You know, that feeling in the pit of your stomach that reminds you that you could be wrong? I've been feeling that a lot lately. After some prayer, I made a decision that I thought would correct a wrong decision I had made earlier. But now I'm starting to doubt again...Now I'm starting to wonder if the first "wrong decision" was even wrong to begin with. If I'm confusing you, don't worry I'm just as confused as you are. I just wish all these decisions would go away, and that God would lay out my life just the way he wants it to be...without me getting in the way and screwing things up. But maybe the larger problem here isn't the fact that I have all these decisions to make....maybe the real problem is that I keep doubting.

Doubt: To be uncertain about, or consider questionable or unlikely. To distrust. To fear or be apprehensive about. To hesitate to believe......To hesitate to believe.

Is that my problem? I'm not truly believing? I'm constantly analyzing, questioning and examining the situations I go through in life, and I'm constantly trying to figure out what direction God wants me to go. I'll think I have the answer, but then something will happen to make me doubt if this was the route God intended for me at all. I have always had the hardest time discerning God's voice, and I think a big part of my problem is because I doubt. I'll hear a voice or think some thoughts that are from God....but then after dwelling on them for a moment I begin to doubt and wonder if it was really God, or just my own thoughts coming through. I don't want to become one of those religious people that justify all their actions because they think God told them to do it....but then again, I don't want to be ignoring the things God is trying to tell me either.

THIS IS SO DIFFICULT.

I can imagine this is a bit what Thomas felt when he had first heard the news of Jesus' rising from the dead. Upon hearing the news he responded by saying, "Unless I see the nail marks in his hands and put my finger where the nails where, and put my hand into his side, I will not believe." But that was smart of him right? We shouldn't believe everything we may hear...right? I mean Thomas was there, he saw Jesus beaten and crucified, surely he wasn't wrong in doubting.

But he was wrong. 

Jesus himself said to Thomas, "Because you have seen me, you have believed; blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed." We use the term "Doubting Thomas" as a negative name for someone. But wouldn't we all have some sort of doubt if we were in Thomas' shoes? I know I definitely would.

This is just why this topic is so hard for me to deal with......I feel like there's a fine line between this child-like faith that God desires for us, and being too trusting that we fall into Satan's schemes. UGH this is so frustrating for me because I'm so confused that I don't even know what to think. But what I do know is this: Life decisions are hard, and I have more doubt than I should. Lord please help me.