Unfathomable Love

"I have one desire now - to live a life of reckless abandon for the Lord, putting all my energy and strength into it." - Elisabeth Elliot

Once again I have let myself be lead astray by my own desires, and once again You have drawn me back into your ever-loving arms. Lord I thank and praise You for all your love towards me. I'm completely baffled and awed that you would love such an imperfect being like me. Not only do I sin, but I intentionally sin against your name. I know full well when I'm going against your will, but I do it anyways.....and yet you love me still. I can't wrap my mind around the fact that I can NEVER be separated from Your love...."For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation will be able to separate us from the love of God that is Christ Jesus our Lord." (Romans 8:38-39)

God I wish I could love someone a fraction of how much you love me...and the reality is that you are trying to teach me this love, I'm just far too impatient for my own good. I told you that I would take this year off to focus on the things you want to teach me. I need to become a woman after your own heart before I can even think about giving some of that love to a man. I constantly need to be reminded of this poem and the promises you've made me. Shouldn't that be enough for me?

You'd think that it WOULD be enough....but sometimes it's not. It's hard when you have to transition from finding your worth in guys to finding your worth in God.  I have to go through the process of feeling completely worthless before I can fully hear what God says about my worth. It's one of the hardest things I've ever done. God I know that you think I'm so wonderful. You tell me all throughout the Bible. It's just hard to believe it sometimes, you know? Satan knows just what to place in my mind to get me to doubt the things You tell me. He gets me to doubt my intelligence, my appearances, my friendships, he even puts jealous thoughts into my mind about the dating couples around me. I try and take every one of those thoughts captive like it tells me in 2 Corinthians 10, but it gets exhausting after being bombarded by these things 24/7. It's hard not to believe those lies sometimes.

God I think the biggest thing I need right now is Your strength and patience. Please help me through this Lord....I honestly can't do it without You. I need to be patient. I need to focus solely on You. I need to become the woman You want me to be. I need to find my self-worth in You. I need to rely on You alone.